I love holding you in my arms.

Dear Maverick,

You are the sweetest little boy I have ever held in my arms. I will forever miss these days when your body perfectly rests on me, when you have no inclination to move, yet are more comfortable on me than anything or anyone in this entire world. I love you son.

Love,
Mom




I wrote this months ago... I don't know why I never published it until now.

The home birth of John Maverick.

After dinner, the evening of July 28th it started. After doing "the deed" with my dear husband, it took only 30 minutes for my contractions to start. I would not let myself be convinced that it was "real". I continued on with my evening activities, playing outdoors with the kids, some light weeding throughout my overgrown flower beds, and the normal bedtime routine (Bath, Books, Kisses). After getting the girls to bed John and I sat down to play a game of Monopoly to keep my mind off the persistant contractions. By the end of the game they were coming every 4 minutes for 2 minutes long, I knew it was real.

11:30 p.m. my midwife and doula arrive to start setting things up. I was in the tub when they arrived and stayed there until I began getting pruney. I then relied on my ball for comfort and alternated rest periods with walking up and down the stairs. By 4:45 a.m. I was extremely exhausted, asking my midwife to check me and see what kind of progress I had made. I could see it in her face, I wasn't far. Only 4 cm. dialated and 0 station. I felt devastated. My doula and midwife advised me to lay down on my side and try to nap between contractions, so I followed their advise.

It felt like a freight train was charging through my body. I was abruptly awaken by furious contractions 30 minutes after I had lain down. I got up from my bed and made my way to the toilet to pee. Back to back with 10-20 second breaks the contractions raged through my body. Instincts took over at this point. I went back to my ball and squeezed it with all of my might, trying to "breathe" through the contractions to the best of my ability. My midwife decided to check me again, she needed to know why I was in so much pain. "We need to hurry Sally" she said to my doula. I knew he was coming. I had dialated to a 7 and was now at a +3 station. "I think you would be more comfortable in the tub, Jenn, lets try to move in between contractions." I dug deep and mustered up all the strength I could to let go of that ball and make way toward the tub.

2 steps. That is as far as I could make it before I dropped to my hands and knees, barely inside the bathroom doors. I could feel him. HE WAS COMING. I grabbed on to my husbands torso and tried to focus my breathing and low bellows. I kept thinking "You are squeezing him to hard, you are hurting him" but my hands would not ease up, my husband was just going to have to endure. "You are doing so great, he is almost here" my husband chanted to me. I reached down and felt his head emerging. John Maverick born at 6:17 a.m. July 29th 7lbs. 6oz.

My mother and stepmother arrived shortly after. My children woke up at 8:00, for the first time. (I am amazed they didn't wake through my middle of the night screams) Overnight they became big sisters, it was magical, they were completely in awe of their new brother. I couldn't have asked for a better birth. It was absolutely perfect.

Embracing the belly.

As the clock counts down the final days that I will bear a child in my womb I am embracing every second. I am enjoying my hulking belly and will eternally miss the feeling that comes with carrying a child. Although I am anxious and eager to meet my son, a sadness will surely follow, knowing that he is in fact the last child I will deliver.... Assuming Mr.Butler does indeed take the necessary measures to prevent future conceptions.
Yesterday the girls and I painted my belly. Mia thought this was exceptionally awesome, stating "You have the coolest belly EVER mommy."

Getting ready for baby.

All of the sudden I feel an urgency to "get ready" for Maverick. We are here, strap on your seat belt, we have begun the process of labor. I use "labor" loosely, as I am not rushing into the hospital to push (not that I am anyway). Yesterday sprung a bout of braxton hicks on me. I felt a sinking deep within my gut. "You are not ready to come out" my mind channeled to Mav. Later in the night, Maverick worked his head deep into my pelvis and my belly was noticeably lower when I awoke.

The nesting urge is overtaking my mind. I want to frantically clean, cook meals, tediously press and put together the tiny outfits than hang in his closet. I want everything perfect for my sons grand entrance. I insist he come home to a clean meticulously organized house. This craze happens to me every time. For days I have deliberated hiring a professional photographer or doing my own newborn pictures. I decided I was the best candidate, then obsessively twisted away 2 skeins of yarn into this.



Fortunately, nesting gives me super powers and I can knit at hypersonic speeds.



I have so many things to get done in the next 4 weeks!

Packing for 5

I think about going on vacation growing up and can't seem to recall this much work going into the process. I suppose I am a little neurotic about the steps that "need to be taken." I am the type of person that has to clean my entire house before I leave town. All of the laundry needs to be done. Dishes washed and put away. The car needs to be clean. The car seats usually don't need to be clean, but for some reason they do this time. Last but not least every person must be packed with bags loaded the night before we have to leave. I know what you are thinking..... crazy pregnant woman.... No.... this is an every trip kind of thing. Now there is some reasoning to my madness.... As all of us adult persons know (maybe just us wives), vacation is no picnic in the park, it is a lot of work. I in NO way want to come home to a filthy house, with old smelly dishes, piles of laundry and dust, and have to deal with that after being completely exhausted from said trip. I would simply stress out at the thought of coming home the entire time I am gone. This time I plan to have all my ducks in a row. I am T minus 2 days from going out of town and the main floor is clean, basement clean, and girls rooms clean. Only laundry, dishes, cleaning car and packing remain. That's it.

The progression.

Day to day I am struggling to keep myself sane. I tell myself "It doesn't matter if the baby has a bed set up", "It won't matter that his clothes aren't micro organized by color, shape, & size", "All the baby needs is you." Somehow I just can't make myself believe it. My mother in law told her pool guy today that it looks like I am having twins.... gee, thanks! Mental note to self- NEVER tell a pregnant woman she looks like she is having twins, unless, she is in fact having twins. :MAJOR OVERREACTION ALERT: Her comment sent me into a whirlwind of mental disfunction. All I could think was "Man, he IS going to come early, and I WON'T be ready." Luckily I have a wonderful husband who *most often* knows what and when to say what he does to calm me down. Sigh.

I took some progress pictures of the bathroom and bedroom today so you all can see what is happening and maybe send some positive vibes for a speedy progression. Thanks in advance.

Time is flying.

Life has been in the way of my blogging recently. School wrapped up and construction has begun our master bathroom/bedroom. For the past 3 weeks John and I have been sleeping on a mattress in our living room. Lets just say it has been hectic. Here is a picture of our before bathroom and bedroom, don't mind the random trash scattered about. =)

The contractor has estimated to be done by the beginning of July.... well, he BETTER be done by then! All of our furniture is currently in the babys room and I haven't been able to clean or sort through anything, I am completely unprepared! Not to mention I plan on giving birth in that bathroom, I hope to God it is done. Speaking of the baby, I am getting LARGER by the day. I swear he will be my largest child yet and I am terrified he will come early. I have said this with every child but I am terrified that he ACTUALLY will.... only because I am not ready. Here is a recent belly shot:

On the mom front, I have been busy knitting little outfits for Maverick and creating art scrapbooks for the girls. The best way I have managed to do this is by photographing the work. After each art piece is photographed I am creating various ways to recycle them. The latest was using 4 seperate paintings as wrapping paper for a cousins present. I have also cut them up and stored them to make cards for the grandparents.

Speaking of birthdays we celebrated Sophie's 3rd birthday at the end of May with her cousin Owen. I can't believe she is getting so big! Time needs to slow down.